I don’t usually think of commitment and romance in conjunction with each other. First comes romance and then comes commitment (or not), right?  Romance is the fun part of getting to know a potential spouse and commitment is the serious part. What if we thought about commitment from the start? It might ultimately save some time and heartache. And what if romance remained after commitment?

That new love feeling is euphoric! It is the essence of teen age love or what has been called “puppy love.” We can probably remember the excitement of our first high school romance. Hearing a certain song from high school days can instantly send us back in time. Puppy love is named that for a reason. It is a sign of young love as opposed to mature love. It is fabulous to be sure, but it is temporary. In the healthy process of growing up, our love for our spouse will become deeper and more mature. Mature love is committed, long term love while puppy love has the tension of not knowing how long it will last. We trade some of the excitement of young, initial love for the security of committed love.

Commitment means saying “yes” to one person and “no” to all others. Commitment reminds us when we are tempted that God has given this special person to me. Commitment says, “I will not engage in alternative monitoring.”

New love excitement contributes to the attraction of affairs after marriage as well as revolving door dating. Many people are addicted to the attraction phase of relationships rather than desiring to connect to the individuals themselves. Romance is a big part of the attraction phase. So it makes sense to work at keeping romance alive in marriage. Romance is one of the things that married couples tend to neglect over time. I know it is especially hard when both husband and wife are working outside the home and raising children. But it is one of the things that we need to make a priority. We need to make the time and take the time to invest in our marriages.

Commitment has two aspects. There is dedication commitment and also constraint commitment. Dedication means that I am completely on board with something. I am totally invested in it. I am willing to sacrifice for it, invest in it, inconvenience myself for it. It means I care more about my spouse and our marriage then my own desires. Constraint commitment refers to reasons to stay in a marriage regardless of our personal desire to do so. The truth is that both types of commitment are necessary. Dedication is why we get married and what makes us happy we did. Constraint gets us through difficult times. Keeping the romance alive in grown up, committed, married relationships is an investment in dedication commitment.

One of the most important constraints is children. Children need both a mother and a father and they need to see them together and loving each other. If we remember that our marriage is most importantly a representation of Christ and the church, this takes on even more significance. Where else will your children learn about how to be married, how to be a good husband and father, wife and mother if not from you? That is a most sacred responsibility which God has entrusted to you.

I know there are exceptions such as abusive situations which require separation. In which case we must keep our eyes on the Lord and trust Him. He is our source of hope.

“For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts. . .” Isaiah 54:5

“A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation.” Psalm 68:5

Praying for beautiful marriages,

Elsie