“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Psalm 13:12 (NASB) 

When people come for marriage counseling and also marriage preparation counseling, they often become aware that they have different expectations regarding their relationship. Expectations are beliefs about the way things will be or should be. Unmet expectations can be the source of disagreement, conflict and disappointment. Thus it is important to discover what these expectations are and how to deal with them.

In marriage preparation counseling, our couples complete a workbook lesson devoted to expectations. Sometimes we hear them say that they really don’t have any specific expectations in certain areas. As they share ...

Unspoken Family Rules that kill family relationships 

All families have rules. Some are spoken and known by everyone in the family. Spoken rules might include we don’t eat without first praying and thanking God for the food or we don’t wear shoes inside the house, we take them off in the entryway. The rules are stated and everybody obeys them.

Some rules are unspoken but still known by everyone in the family. Here are five unspoken rules that are silent killers to healthy family relationships.

1.   No Talk Rule

This rule is usually never spoken but everyone knows there are certain topics that are taboo and not to be discussed. This leads to family secrets and even hypocrisy. For example, we don’t talk ...

If you have read the Old Testament you’ve probably come across the term “clan.” It is an ancient term meaning a unit of multiple families within a tribe. For example, after Israel’s defeat at Ai, Joshua went on a systematic search to discover who sinned. The 12 tribes were brought before him and Judah was taken. The clans of Judah were brought and the clan of the Zerahites was taken. The leaders of the Zerahite families were brought near and Zabdi was taken. Finally, Achan was identified as the one who sinned.  Tribes are formed from clans which are formed from families which are formed from individuals.

You’re saying, “Okay, Irv, nice history lesson but what does that have to do with me and my ...

It seems like many young marrieds today are still attached to their parents and vice versa. As one mother exclaimed at a wedding, “I didn’t lose a daughter. I gained a son.”  It sounds like she doesn’t want to let go of her daughter so her daughter can establish her own family. The biblical passage in Genesis 2:24 is God’s directive on how marriages are to be launched. He says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh” (KJV). Leaving and cleaving, those are God’s terms for how newlyweds are to launch their married lives. Let’s look at the two key words, “leave” and “cleave.”

What does ...

We usually understand integrity to be synonymous with words like honesty, goodness, moral decency, or righteous character. Merriam-Webster defines it this way, “integrity implies trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge.” The phrase “incapable of being false” jumps off the page at me. Webster’s Dictionary goes on to tell us that the term integrity is rooted in the Latin word, integritas, meaning “entire or whole.” There is a direct connection between integrity and the word “integrated.” A person of integrity is an integrated person. The integrated person is the same person on the inside and the outside. ...