Have you ever noticed that people respond differently when receiving a gift? Some people are pleased with the gift and are genuinely thankful both for the gift and for the kindness of the person who gave it. Some people may be disappointed with the gift itself, but appreciative of the thoughtfulness of the gift giver. Some receivers of gifts may be apathetic. And still others received the gift with enthusiasm but also seem to exhibit feelings of entitlement. There are probably a variety of possible responses to receiving a gift, but I would like to focus on these two extremes: genuine thankfulness and entitlement.

People who come for counseling are often in need of grace. We have seen the gift of grace received with genuine thankfulness but also at times with entitlement. Let’s consider the entitlement response first. Entitlement has the attitude that they should be forgiven simply because they owned up to their trespass and maybe even said they were sorry. Entitlement wants to move on quickly and put the past in the past and not talk about it again. Entitlement is unable to empathize with the pain they have caused to another human being created in God’s image and the devastation to a precious relationship. Entitlement cannot visualize themselves in the place of the person or persons against whom they have sinned. These are people who take the gift of grace for granted and may even demand it. They demand something that they have not earned and do not deserve. Such a person is unrepentant.

When we consider the ultimate gift of grace, the Lord Jesus Christ, we can better visualize the utterly abhorrent concept of grace entitlement. Consider these verses:

But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8, 9

I have heard the word “grace” defined as “God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.” Grace is very costly to the giver and underserved by the receiver. Entitlement and grace are mutually exclusive. Grace is underserved yet lovingly given and generates within the true receiver eternal and humble gratefulness.  

Let’s consider the genuinely thankful grace receiver. A thankful grace receiver is not demanding. They understand the pain they have caused and are broken. They are crushed in their soul for the harm they have caused to the relationship and are truly repentant. They feel the weight of their debt to their gracious and loving forgiver. They will seek forgiveness and do whatever is needed to earn back and restore trust. They understand the cost of forgiveness and they are thankful. They are humble, kind and appreciative. They are intentional about changing behavior and not repeating the sinful offense. They work hard at restoring the relationship and do not take it for granted. They work at being worthy of the grace that has been given to them.

Grace is a significant aspect of the repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, and relationship restoring process.  It is also a necessary ingredient in everyday relationships. We need to give “grace upon grace” (John 1:16) while emotionally stepping back from those who take without giving grace and those who demand grace without true repentance.

“Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace, freely bestowed on all who believe! You that are longing to see His face, will you this moment His grace receive?” (Hymn: Grace Greater than Our Sin by Julia H. Johnston and Daniel B. Towner)

Blessings and Grace to you,

Elsie