Probably the word that I hear most frequently from wives whose husbands are caught up in pornography is betrayal. It feels like a betrayal to them. Why? The common thinking in our culture is that porn viewing is a “victimless crime.” Men say to me, “I’m only hurting myself and if I want to hurt myself I will.” That flies in the face of what their wives think. It feels like a betrayal to them because it IS a betrayal. Viewing pornography is disloyalty to the wife to whom you vowed your faithfulness “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” The marriage covenant with its vow of faithfulness to one another has been broken.
The Greek word for betrayal in the New Testament is the compound word, paradidomai. The first term, para, means “alongside” (such as paralegal or paraphrase) and the second term, didonmai, means “to give over, surrender.” Put them together and betrayal means “to give someone over” to another. It is illustrated by two New Testament figures: Judas Iscariot and Simon Peter. As a friend of Jesus’ (cf. Psalm 41:9), Judas physically betrayed Him by leading the Jewish mob to the garden of Gethsemane and identifying Jesus with a kiss. He gave Jesus over to his enemies. That’s the very definition of a betrayal.
Simon Peter’s betrayal was not the same as Judas’s physical betrayal. Peter didn’t lead a mob to Jesus and turn Him over to others rather Peter denied his relationship with Jesus three times. When asked if he was a follower of Jesus, Peter denied knowing Him three times. In his final denial Peter protested, “I do not know the man!” punctuated with a curse word (Matthew 26:74). Peter’s was an emotional betrayal probably spawned by fear. He feared “guilt by association” and so he lied to save his own skin!
Many men do the same. They may not physically betray their wives but when they choose to view pornography they emotionally betray them. What really hurts the hearts of their wives even more than the porn viewing is lying about it. That multiplies their sin. Men think they’ve been faithful to their marriage vows because they haven’t physically committed adultery. What they have done by viewing porn is commit emotional adultery of the heart. The man who views porn is no longer a “one woman man” in his heart. His lust has driven him to violate his marriage vows. In Matthew 5:27, 28, Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Jesus does not give a new definition of adultery rather He gives God’s definition of adultery. God views adultery as a heart issue, a heart that is disloyal and unfaithful. It violates the Old Testament law of vows (cf. Numbers 30:2). It violates the marriage vows he made to his wife and thus betrays her.
Betrayal destroys a relationship,
Irv