We do not often hear people talk about character. We might refer to someone as being “a character” but not as being a person of character. What is character and how can we identify it? I recently rediscovered a book in my bookcase entitled, Character Matters! Raising Kids with Values That Last by John and Susan Yates. It is well worth reading. It describes character qualities that are important for our children to learn but also important for all adults to know, practice, and teach by example. We cannot instruct our children in the way they should go without leading the way. Whatever we do not teach our children, they will learn somewhere else. We cannot assume they will automatically absorb desirable values without our daily instruction and example. Godly character instruction must be repeated often.
First, consider what character qualities you would like your children to possess both now and when they are adults. It is never too early to start teaching. The little things that may seem cute or harmless now, will often not remain cute and harmless as they grow into adulthood. Sometimes their little quirky things make us laugh, but remember, if we laugh at naughty behavior, they will be inclined to repeat it. Gently but firmly correct inappropriate words and behavior no matter how cute you might think they are.
Here are some examples of desirable character qualities to have and impart: integrity, a teachable spirit, self-discipline, empathy, kindness, compassion, a servant’s heart, courage, faith in God, joy, thankfulness, and promise keeping. Identify these qualities by name and encourage them with praise. What is character? Simply stated: Character is who you are and what you do when no one is watching.
Character, in its most basic sense, is simply the essential quality of something, the essence of what something or someone is made. ….. the moral constitution of someone—the inner quality of an individual which issues in behavior, or what determines whether a person will behave in an honorable way or a dishonorable way.1
John and Susan Yates identify four distinctive character types: 1. Expedient, 2. Malleable, 3. Legalistic, and 4. Principled.
1. Expediency means doing what gets the person what they want in the quickest and easiest way. Though the behavior looks positive, expediency does not focus on doing what is right for the sake of virtue. The focus is strictly self-serving to avoid trouble and consequences. It is the starting place for correction of childish behavior.
2. The Malleable character is typical of a people-pleaser. This person is like a chameleon who adapts to his/her environment. There is no deep-seated internal sense of right and wrong.
3. The Legalistic person lives his or her life according to a set of rules. Doing the right thing means following the rules exactly without necessarily knowing why they are right to follow.
4. The Principled person exhibits the most maturely developed character qualities. This person lives their life in keeping with the moral values that have been instilled in him or her. He understands the moral reasoning that makes right behavior right and can apply the principles to other situations. This person can think for himself and prefers right behavior. He can mentally process, and problem solve with or without input from others. He is not afraid to take a stand and voice his opinion. Yet this person is humble and teachable, able to receive input and correction when needed.
We all know people who model these character qualities, and we often model them ourselves. We will return to this topic in a subsequent newsletter article. Until then, prayerfully consider the kind of person you are when no one is watching.
Blessings,
Elsie
1Yates and Yates,Character Matters! Raising Kids with Values That Last (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1992), p. 11.