Marriage, as an institution, is under attack today. Consider this quote from the Pew Research Center:
The share of U.S. adults who are currently married has declined modestly in recent decades, from 58% in 1995 to 53% today. Over the same period, the share of adults who are living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3% to 7%. While the share who are currently cohabiting remains far smaller than the share who are married, the share of adults ages 18 to 44 who have ever lived with an unmarried partner (59%) has surpassed the share who has ever been married (50%), according to a Pew Research Center analysis of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG).
As a Christian, you might wonder, “What does God have to say about couples cohabiting outside of marriage?” Nowhere in the Bible does God endorse, bless, or authorize cohabitation. Rather, God created marriage as the foundation for the family, not cohabitation. Christians understand that the unsaved world doesn’t follow God’s standards as written in the Bible, but Christians should.
So if marriage is the foundation for the family, what qualities does God say should characterize marriages? Based on the “Law of First Mention,” the idea that when something is first mentioned in the Bible sets the standard for all other references to it. This leads me to the first mention of marriage in Genesis 2:23-25. Adam named all the animals but still did not find a suitable helper or a companion. So, God anesthetized him and removed one of his ribs and fashioned it into a woman. As my pastor used to say, “Eve was formed from Adam’s side, not beneath him nor above him, but nearest to his heart.” Then God moves from the role of surgeon to being the father of the bride and brings Eve to Adam. God and Adam then declare the first of eight qualities which characterize marriage:
1. Bonding—2:23, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh . . . become one flesh.” Speaking of the woman, Adam declares she was formed from his bones and flesh. There is a connection to one another. In marriage, husband and wife must bond through a covenantal relationship to one another.
2. Ownership—2:23, “She shall be called Woman.” In the world of the Bible, naming or renaming something or someone was a sign of ownership. Adam named the animals as the King of Eden. God changed the names of Abram (to Abraham), Sarai (to Sarah), Jacob (to Israel) even as Jesus changed Simon’s name to Peter. Each change signified that they were owned.
3. Monogamy—2:24, “For this cause a man . . . his wife.” Monogamy means one man and one woman. “Irv, what about the polygamy mentioned in the Bible? Look at Solomon. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines! Wasn’t having many wives in the Bible a sign of great wealth?” Polygamy, though mentioned in the Bible, is never countenanced or approved by God. In Solomon’s case, polygamy proved his downfall (1 Kings 11:1-8).
4. Heterosexual—2:24, “a man . . . his wife.” Contrary to many of the sinful unions formed today, God designed marriage to be between a man and woman. Thus any other combination is not His design nor will He bless it. Nowhere in the pages of the Bible are homosexual or transsexual unions His will for the family.
5. Permanent—2:24, “leave . . . cleave.” A new family unit is formed with a marriage. Husbands and wives must separate from their families-of-origin to form a new family, a family that is permanent and lasting.
6. Progressive—2:24, “shall become.” Husbands and wives don’t immediately become one flesh when they exchange their vows at the altar. In God’s good design, they progressively grow to become one over time. This is a progressive “gluing” of a husband and wife physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.
7. Married—2:25, “man . . . his wife.” Eve is no longer simply woman (2:23). She is now declared Adam’s wife for they are married and God, all the watching angels, and all the animals have served as witnesses to their vows. Commitment is what sets marriage apart from cohabiting. Adam is committed to Eve and vice versa.
8. Courageous—2:25, “naked . . . unashamed.” Adam and Eve have nothing to hide and courageously begin their roles as the king and queen of Eden with no shame. It requires courage to get married and courage to stay married!
Marriage is God’s good gift to mankind when fashioned after His design. May God bless your marriage.
Irv