Have you ever experienced what felt like a superficial apology Which can then result in superficial forgiveness? Nothing is accomplished, and the relationship is not restored. We often learn this type of apology in childhood. When a sibling has intentionally hurt a sibling, Mom often says something like, “Tell him/her you’re sorry and give them a hug.” Fine. So, you do that, and everything is all right now. Right? Wrong! If the apology and repentance do not come from the heart, nothing has changed, and you both know it. But you have gone through the motions and Mom is satisfied. Though, I do not think Mom is satisfied either. But she does not know exactly how to manage the ordeal and move on. After all, she is busy and has a lot to do today. She is more interested in dealing with the infraction and having things get back on track than either of the kids are. The main problem is that nothing is resolved. The relationship is not restored, and this pattern will repeat into adult life.
Have you spoken a superficial apology? The reason it feels insincere is because the person has simply gone through the motions of an apology, but their heart was not in it. Their heart was not sincere. Their heart was closed and not humble. Real apologies require humble hearts. Humility and open hearts are rare these days. I like the forgiveness formula of Gary and Barbara Rosberg,
(Focus on the Family). The best way to offer an apology is from a humble heart. A humble heart is open and is repentant. It offers a heartfelt apology that feels genuine and real.
A Real Apology says:
- I am sorry.
- I was wrong.
- I do not ever want to do that again.
- Will you forgive me?
If you think about it, it is difficult to say these words with a closed and prideful heart. It requires humility even to speak the words, “I was wrong.”
We want to offer a “sort of” apology that can squeak past without having to humble ourselves and be open and honest about what we did wrong. I can almost hear someone saying here, “Ok, fine, but what if the other person does not return the phrases to me.” What if that person is content to have me accept all the responsibility for what happened? That could happen and if it does, tattle on them to the Lord. Let the Lord be the one who convicts them. I do it all the time. Depending on who the person is. I may even ask them if they have anything they want to say to me. Otherwise, I tell Jesus and let Him deal with the person directly. And He usually does, in either case, you are out of it. They often return later if not if not sooner.
The next step in restoring a relationship is forgiveness. I will focus on genuine forgiveness next time.
HAPPY OCTOBER! HAPPY FALL!
Elsie