In Matthew 19:5, 6 Jesus says, “…for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” I want to focus on the phrase, “the two shall become one flesh.” This phrase is at the heart of marriage. Marriage is a merging of two lives into one new life. This is not enmeshment in which the two lives form one indistinguishable blob nor is it disengagement in which the two lives are independent of one another. This is interdependence. Though capable of independence, the two choose to be together. This is intimacy, the two becoming one.

There are two types of intimacy, true and false. True intimacy within a marriage is physical, emotional, and spiritual. Physical intimacy is more than sex. Physical intimacy is connecting with one another through all five senses. It is body intimacy and is critical to the life of a healthy marriage. Emotional intimacy is the intertwining of feelings for one another. Emotional intimacy shows itself in love for one another but even more. It is connecting with one another with all manner of feelings: joy, sadness, grief, contentment, exhilaration to name just a few. Finally, spiritual intimacy is connecting with God. He is the glue that cements our relationship and turns it from two into one. Spiritual intimacy involves a common salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, worshiping, praying and reading the Bible together, serving together, tithing on our finances, and trusting God to lead our marriage. When our “intimacy tank” is on empty and we long for intimacy, true intimacy runs to our God and our partner to fill the tank.

False intimacy is Satan’s counterfeit for true intimacy. As with everything God has created and called good, Satan counterfeits and corrupts it. So it is with intimacy. False intimacy turns true intimacy on its head. Under Satan’s false system, physical intimacy substitutes sinful sex for marital sex as God designed it. False emotional intimacy centers on lust not love. False spiritual intimacy makes us think we’re gods. When our intimacy tank is empty, Satan whispers to us that we need his brand of intimacy, false intimacy.

Like a warning light on the dashboard of your car, an empty intimacy tank is a warning light telling us we have grown too separate in our marriage. We need to run, not walk, to our God and our spouse to get it filled. Desire for sexual sin is that warning light. It’s flashing at us, warning us, “You’ve grown apart from your God and your spouse! You need to reconnect physically, emotionally, and spiritually . . . now!”

Sexual sin is an intimacy issue,

Irv