Everybody wants people to like them. We want to be likeable and we want people to think the best of us. It’s human nature. What happens, though, when you want to be liked so much that you become a people-pleaser? What about when you can’t speak truth to people lest they not like you. Finally, what happens when you can’t say “no” to anyone lest they not like you? Are you that kind of person, a people-pleaser? A lot of people are. Here are some thoughts on the subject:
1. Jesus Christ
The most important voice we need to hear on the subject of people-pleasing is the voice of Jesus. Concerning people-pleasing, Jesus said, “Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets” (Luke 6:46). Jesus says it is a dangerous thing to have everyone pleased with you, speaking well of you. Why? Because that was how they spoke of the false prophets. People are not discerning. The immature crowd doesn’t discern between truth and error. The crowd is just as likely to speak well of false prophets as of you. Don’t be enamored with the praise of people. Don’t be a people-pleaser. Be a God-pleaser instead.
Jesus was NOT a people-pleaser. People-pleasers do not get nailed to a cross. People-pleasers do not call others “whitewashed tombs full of dead men’s bones” or “hypocrites” or “murderers.” Jesus did. People don’t like it when you expose who they really are. In fact, they will hate you so much they will want you dead. Jesus was a radical truth speaker who did not care whether He was liked or whether He pleased anyone. He was a God-pleaser.
Finally, consider this description of Jesus in His dealings with the crowd, “But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man” (John 2:24, 25). Jesus knew people. He never needed their praise, never relished their adulation, never grew inflated when they followed Him. He knew “what was in man.” Men are sinners with sinful motives. The same crowd that hailed Him as King of the Jews on Palm Sunday called for His blood five days later on Good Friday.
2. Psychological roots
People-pleasers have a pathological need to be liked by others. They may have grown up with a demanding parent who could not be pleased no matter how hard they tried and they’re still trying to please them. They may have a low self-image and need the praise of others to bolster it. They may fear being rejected if they say “no” to anyone for any reason. People-pleasers need to become God-pleasers.
3. Remedy
The remedy for the bondage of people-pleasing is to become a God-pleaser. It is more important to please Him than anyone else. Pleasing God brings freedom from the fickle scrutiny of others.
Begin by standing in front of a mirror and practice saying “no” with an unvascillating explanation such as, “No, I can’t watch that.” “No, I cannot go with you.” “No, I won’t teach that class.” “No, I won’t do that on the first date.” Practice saying “no” to yourself until you are as comfortable with saying “no” as you are saying “yes.” As an aside, saying “no” gives someone who is gifted where you aren’t the opportunity to say “yes.” To say “yes” when you don’t truly want to do something builds resentment and regret. So live to . . .
Please Christ alone,
Irv