Most of us think we’re better at communicated than we are. After all we started talking when we were less than one year old so we’ve been talking for a long time (some longer than others). We also know how to hear, so what’s the big deal? If we know how to talk and we know how to hear, why is there so much miscommunication and misunderstanding? Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines communicate as “to convey or impart knowledge of or information about a matter.”  Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? It isn’t. In fact the definition by Webster’s Dictionary is only half right. The definition describes the speaker’s part in communicating. It is missing the listener’s part. Only when the listener has heard the words of the speaker and understood those words, has communication taken place. Communication is also different from understanding. As most of us would attest, “Just because you said it and I heard it does not mean I understand what you said!”

Once the words of another are spoken to us, we hear them using our ears. Our ears then transmit those words to our minds which stimulates our thoughts. If the words spoken by the speaker match the interpretation of the hearer, we have communication. If we misunderstand the message spoken or mishear the message spoken we do not have communication. There has been a breakdown in the process.

Experts have come up with the now famous rule that communication is only 7 percent verbal and 93 percent non-verbal. The non-verbal component was made up of body language (55 percent) and tone of voice (38 percent). If that’s even close to reality it puts a lot of weight on the non-verbal part of communicating. Based on that, here’s my order of communication from “1” weakest (poorest) to “10” strongest (best):

1. Instagram/Instant Messaging
2. Facebook/Twitter (only 140 characters permitted)
3. Text
4. Email
5. Letter/Note/Card-handwritten