Core strength is an important concept for athletes and physically active people. A person’s physical core is a complex group of muscles within the abdominal area that also extends beyond the abs. The body’s core is incorporated into almost every movement of the human body and acts as a stabilizer and spine protector. If you have been coached in physical fitness training or participated in a workout class, you have probably been instructed to tighten your abs in order to protect your spine. Research has shown that athletes with higher core stability have a lower risk of injury. Strengthening the core is the starting point of physical fitness.
Character core strength is also the starting point for emotional and relational fitness. In her book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, Leslie Vernick identifies four core strengths necessary for individual and relational fitness:
1. Committed to truth and reality (internally and externally).
2. Open to growth, instruction, and feedback.
3. Responsible for myself and respectful toward others without dishonoring myself.
4. Empathetic and compassionate toward others without enabling people to continue to abuse or disrespect me.
Committed to truth and reality requires each of us to consistently seek and speak the truth. Truth sets us free while deception keeps us in the dark regarding our sin and the sins of others. Relationships based on lies and deception will eventually self-destruct. Self lies (denial) allow us, for awhile, to experience false intimacy. True intimacy is not possible without truth. Denial keeps us in bondage to the affirmations of others rather than being self-confident of who we are in Christ and independent of the approval of others.
Open to growth, instruction, and feedback allows us to receive constructive input from others that can help us learn and grow. Without kind and well-intentioned communication from sources outside of ourselves, we are limited to self-evaluation and the risk of being either too hard or too easy on ourselves. Being completely objective about ourselves is not possible. Of all the things we can clearly see, the ground on which we stand is not one of them. The ability to receive input from others requires a humble, teachable heart.
Pride causes people to be closed to instruction and feedback and thus closed to personal growth. Pride causes defensiveness and a “wise in our own eyes” attitude (Proverbs 3:7). Pride prevents progress in our character. When someone offers us feedback, it is important to be open to prayerful consideration of what they have said. If it is coming from a person we trust, we need to be open to listening – even if we choose not to act on it. In the words of the outstandingly clever and insightful Mary Poppins: “You cannot teach something to someone who already knows everything.” When someone is of the opinion that they “know it all,” it is as if they have put a knowledge lid on themselves and there is no room for further input. Such a person is not teachable and therefore unable to learn and grow.
Responsible for myself and respectful toward others: This means that I will not blame other people for the things I do. I will be responsible for my own behavior and work on the things that need improvement. I will be responsible to and not for other people. I must control and manage myself and not attempt to control and manage others. I will not blame others for my character flaws. I will be available to help others, but will allow them freedom to be responsible for themselves and freely make their own decisions.
Empathetic and compassionate toward others: Empathy helps us be less selfish and reflects the character of God. Innately sympathetic people are easy prey to those who are not. Controllers and manipulators often “play the sympathy card” so empathetic friends will feel sorry for them and also responsible for them. Empathy and compassion requires good boundaries so that we do not enable others to continue to use and abuse us. It is reasonable and kind to draw a boundary that requires others to be responsible for themselves and own their behavior.
Just as physical core strength is important for physical health and fitness, emotional core strength is vital to emotional and relationship health and fitness. To strengthen our emotional core is to grow in emotional intelligence. We need to consistently evaluate our core values and ask ourselves if our words and actions reflect them. When we physically work out we must be mindful to use our core strength. It is the same with our core values strength . . . we must train ourselves to use them.
The essence of Godly character is the Godly core values that we consistently live out.
Elsie