Three of my neighbors have erected fences defining their property from mine. I like that. It is a clear demarcation between our lot lines and protects both of us from unwanted intrusion. I don’t want their dogs running (and other things) in my yard. Fences make for good neighbors. We feel safer with fences.

The same is true with boundaries. Boundaries are the fences of human relationships. They define what I will and won’t do and with whom I will have a relationship and the parameters of that relationship. Boundaries make for good relationships. We feel safer with boundaries.

All relationships need boundaries. Some of those relationship boundaries will include: what will be our moral standards? What will be our standards of behavior? What will be our boundaries for our spouse, our children, or our parents? What will be our boundaries at home, church, and work? If we don’t establish clear boundaries others will set them for us and we won’t like the results.

Boundaries can be permeable. Like a gate in a fence with the handle on my side of the fence, I can choose to let in that which is good and keep out that which is bad. This is especially true with relationships. I cannot have a relationship with everyone. Not every relationship is good. Some relationships are toxic. We need clear boundaries to keep out the toxic yet let in the wholesome.  

For further reading, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  Boundaries, like fences, define us and benefit us tremendously because . . .

Boundaries make for good relationships,

Irv