Irv and I recently watched online as our oldest granddaughter graduated from Southeastern University in Florida. Though a long ceremony, the ceremony was only a snapshot in time as compared to the amount of time and effort that was invested into accomplishing the goal. There is a lot packed into what all the pomp and circumstance represent. And, of course, the graduation candidates always enter the auditorium walking to the accompaniment of the familiar song of “Pomp and Circumstance.” Sir Edward Elgar composed the melody in 1901 and it is reported that the title came from a line in William Shakespeare’s play Othello, “Pride, pomp, and circumstance of glorious war.” The phrase “pomp and circumstance” refers to impressive formal activities or ceremonies which are typically very elaborate and symbolic. But notice the other words— “pride” and “glorious war.”  I suspect that the “war” of a high school, college, or graduate student would be all the effort that went into earning the degree.

I remember as a graduate student at Bethel University I very much looked forward to “the walk” across the platform to receive my degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. It was a long awaited and difficult course of study, and I looked forward to wearing the regalia and being DONE with my studies. Yet, it is called “Commencement” because the real-life hard work is just beginning. For King Charles III of England, the work of leading a nation has just begun. His mother Queen Elizabeth II taught and prepared him, but now the responsibility is totally on him.

It is the same with our kids. We can and should allow them to graduate from our home at some point in time. How will we know and more importantly how will they know when they are ready to launch. My granddaughter calls it “adulting’. I’m not sure anyone is ever totally ready to be an adult. I think we just need to venture out and be willing to do our best at doing grown-up things. If we are paying attention, real life lessons help us learn humility which is typically not taught in any university—secular or Christian. Humility is learned through hard knocks, trial and error, success, and failure. We must allow ourselves and our kids to fail, learn the lesson, and start again. One of my go-to phrases is “don’t waste the pain.”  Learn from the pain. To not learn the lesson being taught in the University of Hard Knocks is to waste the pain. God is too good to let us miss out on what we need to learn. If we do not learn the first, second, third or more time we fail, He will keep sending learning opportunities to us. That’s a whole lot of pain coming our way if we stubbornly insist on having our own way.

Pride prevents learning. Humility enables learning. No wonder God’s Word tells us, “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) A haughty spirit tells us that we know what is best even when we do not. What might be obvious to others is not obvious to us because we are not open to feedback from others. A haughty spirit keeps us making the same mistakes over and over. We cannot accept that we might be wrong. A haughty spirit refuses to see our own flaws.  A haughty spirit keeps us from apologizing when we should.

Instead, we insist on blaming something or someone else. We live in a very prideful world. Think about it. By simple mathematical probability, it is not possible to always be right and the other person always wrong, yet how often do we hear someone apologize or admit they were wrong. Try doing it sometime. You will be pleasantly surprised. It is very freeing once you get the hang of it. It does not lessen another’s view of you. It enhances it! Often others know we are wrong but want to know if we know. Other times they are unwilling to challenge us on it. Let us work on being humble and teachable.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)

Elsie